He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
