This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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