Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
