Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
