hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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