and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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