Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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