I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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