i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
