My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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