Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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