bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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