I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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