so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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