well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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