dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
