There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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