Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize