dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can I color on your dick again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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