I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize