first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
