Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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