why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
