Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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