So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
