They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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