Non-Jews are for practice
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
