one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
