dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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