if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
