Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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