plz talk dirty to me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
