Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So much Jack, so little girl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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