so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
