Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
