I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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