the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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