Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
