Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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