All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
