your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize