You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
