how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
