I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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