So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
