That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
