I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Mom said you looked used
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
