a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
