hotel room ftw
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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