The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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