I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
