hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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