I wish my penis had an off switch
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
