So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
