I only kidnapped one of them. chill
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize