gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
