If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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