I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
