Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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