Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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