Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need water and some morals
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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