Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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