weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im having a threesome with these popsicles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
