Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
