If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
