he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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