I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
