Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
