it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
