Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm bleeding and have questions
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
