It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
