I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
