My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
