One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
