using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
