mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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