I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
