My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
