I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
