I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
