I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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